A young female doctor in a conversation with me once stated that if there is a way of knowing a potential wife abuser during courtship, the incidence of domestic violence would be reduced drastically. The truth is that there are tell-tale signs which should sound an alarm to discerning or perspicacious ladies, but all too often these signs are ignored to the regret of the victim. Studies have shown that persons with certain personalities, who have certain social habits or who come from certain backgrounds are prone to being wife abusers. The following are some of the predictors:
- A man who comes from a background in which his father abused his mother. A study found 80 to 85 per cent of men who physically abuse their wives saw their father abusing their mother.
- A man who is verbally or emotionally abusive during courtship will be violent after marriage because then he may throw caution to the wind.
- He has poor interpersonal and relational skills that leave him without friends. A person who has poor social skills often resort to violence to make his point. Such a man will be suspicious of a wife that mixes and relates well with people.
- A man that has imbibed violence as his method of dealing with anger and stress. A person who can quarrel or fight at the slightest provocation lacks emotional control and marriage will be very challenging for such a person because the wife would not be an angel who is perfect.
- A man who was abused as a child will nurture feelings of anger and inferiority and would be quick to read negative meanings to innocent acts of his wife; this can result in frequent fights.
- A very jealous and defensive person will be violent because the wife cannot but have friends outside him and this can lead to charges of unfaithfulness that can degenerate in to physical fight.
- A man that abused former partners will likely be abusive unless he has gone for counseling and therapy sessions.
- A man who abuses alcohol or drugs will not always be in control of himself and so can get violent after a drinking binge.
- A man that abuses pets has a violent disposition which he may visit on his spouse when he encounters tough situations.
10. A man who can be charming, manipulative and seductive when he needs something but hostile, nasty and mean when he does not succeed is a potential wife batterer.
11. A man from a culture where women are regarded as sex objects will be violent when he does not have his way sexually.
12. A man who goes in to a relationship with the mind of using the wife for financial leverage will turn violent if he fails to achieve his goal.
13. A man with a strong sense of inadequacy will be violent if his wife threatens to leave them.
14. Men who have never experienced real love cannot give what they do not have.
15. A man who experiences sudden and drastic mood changes can be temperamental and abusive when under stress.
16. A man who has a high rate of approval of violence and aggression as a means of settling scores would be a wife beater.
17. A man who always wants to control others will likely be a wife beater.
18. A man who is mentally unstable may turnout violent in marriage
19. A man who is ungodly and despises the Bible as the word of God has no checks on his life that would make him love and respect his wife.
20. A man who physically abused the partner during courtship will do so after marriage.
This article was written by Dr Francis Edo Olotu, Physician, Family Counselor, Author, Conference Speaker and host of the Blog Empowering Dads.
