How to Prevent Wife Abuse in Marriage: 15 Personal Strategies a Husband can adopt

It is very good to prepare well before courtship and marriage how you want your marriage to be. Although it takes two to tango, your early preparation has a way of making you know the qualities you want in your spouse. The closer a spouse is to your ideal, the less the adjustment you would make after marriage and the lesser the chances of friction in the relationship. If a man wants his home to be the “cradle of comfort” which God designed it to be rather than a “Hot bed of violence” which it has become in many marriages, there are certain attitudes he must learn and others he must drop to make his relationship with his wife wonderful. The following are the strategies:

1. Be faithful to your marital vow in which you promised to love, honour cherish and protect your wife till death brings about a separation. Do things that reinforce your commitment to your marital vows such as seeking the good of your wife always.
2. Take your wife the way she is. Adults do not change easily; the more you work on changing your wife, the more frustrated you might become and the closer to abuse you would get by the day. It has been said that before marriage , keep your eyes wide open to see if your fiancée is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with; after the nuptial knots are tied, keep your eyes half closed so that you will not see things that will provoke aggression in you.
3. Have the attitude that you are appointed to be a blessing to your wife. In this way you will be more preoccupied with how you will be a blessing to her everyday. Physical abuse is so destructive that it would not feature in your home when your concern is to make your wife happy.
4. Dispel any utilitarian concept of marriage in you. Do not enter marriage with the hope that your wife will enable you achieve those things that have eluded you so far in life; this will breed frustration as she might not have that ability to do your wish.
5. Keep working on anger management or control in your life. If you have problems with managing anger, seek professional help or better still spiritual help to overcome it.
6. Improve on your communication skills. Develop a pattern of communication that is devoid of violence both in speech and in action. Learn to appreciate your wife for who she is and for the added value she has brought in to your life.
7. Think of the evil consequences of wife physical abuse such as causing accidental death to your spouse for which you might spend the rest of your life in jail. The effects of domestic violence on your children such as loss of respect for your wife, likelihood of your sons walking in your footsteps and your daughters developing abhorrence for marriage. These are enough reasons to deter a man from physically abusing the wife.
8. Acquiring conflict resolution and problem solving skills. These will teach you how to disagree on issues without turning violent. It will also teach how to respect and accept the views of your wife without loss of face. If your wife is meant to complement you, it follows that there are times you may not share the same views on issues.
9. Have shared interests. Develop some common interest with your wife such as writing books or a business venture. The fact that you are doing things together has a way of bringing you closer and making you more dependent on one another.

10. Add value or invest in your wife. If your wife has an ambition of furthering her education after marriage or upgrading her skills in any trade, give her all the necessary support. She would not only be indebted to you, but will honour you for the input in her life.

11. Change your environment if need be. If you are unhappy at your place of work and this could translate in to violence at home, it is better to change your job. If there are extended family members who stoke the embers of aggression in you, cut off the links and stick to your wife.

12. Allow the Gospel of Jesus Christ to come in to your life and bring about a change in you. The Gospel will bring a purpose and clarity of vision to your life that will enable you handle your personal issues without resorting to violence.

13. Learn relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, listening to cool music and meditation on the word of God when you are under stress.

14. Avoid the company of men who physically abuse their wives. Bad company corrupts good morals; rather seek the company of happily married men from whom you would learn good values in spousal relationship.

15. Learn to use humour and laugh at your self at times. When you take life too seriously, it could laugh at you. Learn to live with those things you cannot change while doing your best to handle issues within your ability.

This article was written by Dr Francis Edo Olotu, Physician, Family Counselor, Author, Conference Speaker and host of the Blog Empowering Dads.